Chapter 20: A Longing Deferred

Early the next morning, David and Jasmine met for breakfast and then prayer before catching the ferry back to L.A. I love this, David thought to himself as he listened to Jasmine. It was so amazing to share this time with her, to hear what was on her heart. Praying always brought them closer to God and to each other. Last night, after saying goodnight to Jasmine, he’d spent some time alone in prayer. After what had happened between them, he’d felt so confused and conflicted. This weekend had definitely shown him that his attraction to Jasmine had grown even stronger and he didn’t know how to handle the intensity of his feelings. It was wonderful to cry out to God and set his heart and mind at ease. When he’d awaken this morning, he’d felt the peace and faith that only prayer can give.

“I hate to leave,” said Jasmine, as she finished praying. They were sitting on the beach looking out at the waves. “But I’m so happy that I got the chance to be here with Edgar and Lisa and you.”

“So am I,” said David, taking her hand.

“It’s been so great. And…I guess…honestly I’ve gotten a bit spoiled getting to spend so much time with you, not just this weekend but since the accident. We’ve been together almost every day. I knew it couldn’t last forever, but, I’m going to miss being with you,” she said.

David could see the sadness in her eyes. He squeezed her hand sympathetically. “I’m going to miss it too, but you know what’s never going to change?” he said, putting his arm around her. “How much I love you.”

Jasmine smiled. “I know. I don’t know where all this is coming from,” she said.

For a few moments, neither of them spoke and yet they heard each other loud and clear.

“You don’t have to explain. I understand.” And as she looked into his eyes, she knew he did.

_______________________________________

The next few weeks were busy for both of them as they returned to life as normal. Jasmine resumed modeling for the first time since the accident and David began traveling to promote his new album. It was a difficult transition for both of them, but particularly for Jasmine. I miss him so much, she thought, trying to focus on her work. They’d had a couple of dates since the trip, which had been wonderful, but she looked forward to when they’d be able to spend even more time together.

She often thought about the last conversation they’d had on the island. She hadn’t known how to express it then but it was as if what had happened between them the night before they’d left had triggered feelings inside her that were almost overwhelming. It made this time even harder to bear.

One evening Lisa came over for dinner. Jasmine was so grateful for her friendship as the two had grown very close. After dinner they sat talking in her living room.

“So, how’ve you been?” asked Lisa. “We haven’t had much time to chat lately.”

“I know. I’ve been okay,” said Jasmine. “Getting back to work has been great…”

“But?” asked Lisa, seeing Jasmine’s hesitation.

“But, I can’t shake this sadness that I feel about David and I,” she said, suddenly starting to cry.

Alarmed, Lisa rose from her seat and sat beside Jasmine. “Oh, Jasmine! What’s wrong? I thought everything was great between you two."

“It is,” said Jasmine between sobs, “but that’s what makes it so hard.”

“I don’t understand,” said Lisa. “What do you mean?”

Trying to catch her breath, Jasmine told Lisa about what happened between her and David the night before they’d left the island and the conversation they’d had the next morning.

“I know that we love each other, that he loves me.  Our relationship is so much deeper than it was before but I want more. I don’t really know how to explain it,” she said, wiping away tears.

Smiling sympathetically, Lisa said, “I think I know what you’re trying to say -- you want to be married.”

“Yes,” said Jasmine, dejectedly. “Isn't that crazy? I never in a million years thought I would ever want to take that step but I've grown so much since the breakup. I'm not afraid anymore and now I see that I need so much more, that we need so much more. I just feel this intense longing and I believe he feels the same way but maybe he's afraid that I'll run away again. Do you think that's why he hasn't proposed?"

Putting her arm around Jasmine, Lisa said, “David’s the only one who can answer that question, but I know one thing for sure: he loves you more than anything in the world. When it’s right, it will happen.”

“I hope you’re right,” said Jasmine. “It’s just hard feeling this way and not knowing when, or if, it’s going to happen. I guess God has a sense of humor. Or maybe this is just poetic justice. Whatever it is, it feels like torture.”

Then, sighing and smiling weakly she said, “Wow, I thought that once we got back together all the tears were behind me. Guess I was wrong. Why do things have to be so complicated?”

“That’s a great question. If only I had the answer,” said Lisa, laughing. Then looking at Jasmine closely she asked, “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” said Jasmine, smiling. “Thanks for letting me vent and cry on your shoulder.”

“That’s what best friends are for,” said Lisa, returning her smile.